FACT: most women from the Midwest learn how to “pop-a-squat” while proving their drinking skills in high school. Parties in fields, and barns, insert place lacking a bathroom here, force a young and energetic 16 year old to become accustomed to the “drip dry.”
As the band geeking, paper writing ginger that I was, these were not rites of passage I managed to experience. While on my first backpacking trip I discovered I lacked the “pop-a-squat” skill. I disrobed and assumed the ready position. I shifted feet, I changed my angle, and then I got stage fright. I looked over my shoulder wondering what kind of wildlife was witnessing this, laughing at the poor excuse for a mammal that cannot even empty themselve.
After some pep talk, I gained to courage to commence flow. SHIT… that’s my pants, slight adjustment, SHIT that’s my foot… I got to the point where I said fuck it, and didn’t even finish. It baffles me how one can direct the flow of traffic with an innie. Times I wish I had a penis count: 1.
FACT: Despite portraying the myth of being able to hold down a gorgeous loft on barista wages, Friends offers pure fact in “The One With the Jellyfish” you should pee on a jellyfish sting.
Unfortunately for me, the jellyfish sting came AFTER I managed to pee all over myself.
Oh SNAP!
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